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xLenorex

Lenore

I'm a hopeful cynic.

I'll Make You Remember Me - William  Butler It's a pity really. Written differently, this could have actually been good. The hero is a psycho who obsesses over a whore. He's a sociopath, but the way he's portrayed is childish and very amateurish and the whole thing reads like something written by a very disturbed child so it gave me goosebumps but for the wrong reason.Bad grammar/syntax didn't help either:He walked further down the hall as the sound of a baby began to cry....as the city came to life around him - cars flashing their lights, honking their horns and drivers screaming every now and then obscenities.Something that would warm him and get his mind off Lexi-anything would do, but nothing would get his mind off Lexi.He purchased two Colts and a blunt from the young boy from behind the counter.The city was now awake. People moved around like ants building sand castles for its Queen.Or the abundance of verbalisms:Joe reached up, took the blunt in his hand, and bought it. Why not "Joe bought the blunt"?Or the unnecessary repetitions:"I haven't been on the streets too long." He glanced at him."How long have you been out there?""I've been on the streets for about a month now," the bum said."What happened," Joe asked the bum.The bum looked away...I could go on quoting parts of the story like that but I've made my point.This is no Heart of the Spring, no Old Men of the Twilight. I'm sorry.